Oftentimes, when we are in a relationship and things are going south, we tend to push the blame on our partners and directly or indirectly blame them for the things going wrong in the relationship. What we fail to do most of the time is check ourselves and see how we have contributed to the failure of the relationship.
Today we will be discussing the fear of commitment. Most times, people suffering from commitment phobia do not even realize it, they just go on with life unknowingly hurting both them and those close to them, without even realizing it and when they do, it is mostly too late.
Are you afraid of commitment? Well, if you are not sure, by the time you are done with this article, you will realize whether you are or not. But first, let us examine the definition of the fear of commitment and the causes of the fear of commitment.
What is the fear of commitment?
Fear of commitment simply means the fear of being dedicated to something for a long period of time. It could be fear of dedication to a Job, a relationship or being tied down to a place (i.e., a city or town). However, for the purpose of this article, we will be focusing on fear of commitment in relationships.
Causes of the Fear of Commitment
The fear of commitment usually stems from deep-rooted issues, such as emotional or traumatic reasons. Examples include:
- Childhood trauma, such as unstable family or seeing the bad side of parent’s relationship
- Seeing parents go through divorce
- Loss of a loved one
- Not moving on from previous heartbreak
- Separation Anxiety and so on
Signs You are Afraid Of Commitment
1. You Don’t Date
There is a huge difference between going on dates and actually dating. Yes, you might enjoy going on dates, but you mostly find it difficult to date people as this will lead to committing to one person and when you do date, you want to keep things casual. And when things start getting past the casual stage, you get uncomfortable and break things off.
2. You are Not Vulnerable With Your Partner
When you are in a relationship, you never allow your partner to get insight of your weak points. You never show weakness in front of them and you make sure to never show the depth of your love for them. For example, you never say words like “ I love you” or other terms of endearment or anything that will give a hint into the core of your heart.
3. Your Relationships Don’t Last Long
You don’t date for long, because you are afraid of being tied down in a relationship. You have a long history of relationships that last for months or even weeks and you get cold feet when the relationship keeps going for too long.
When in a relationship, you don’t think about the next stage, as you don’t always plan to stay for too long in the relationship.
4. You don’t Include Your Partner in your plans
Since you do not see yourself staying in a relationship for too long,. You do not have a problem with not including your partner in your future plans.
5. You get uncomfortable when your Partner shows their desires for the future of the relationship
Deep hearted conversations, such as taking the relationship to the next stage and making plans for the future gets you feeling extremely uncomfortable and trapped.
Also, when your partner shows you affection or care, you might find it to be ‘too much’ or ‘suffocating’.
Dealing With the Fear of Commitment
If you find out that you exhibit all of these signs, hope is not lost, as Overcoming it is possible. With your readiness and the appropriate mindset, half of the job is already done. Here is a list of some of the steps you can take to overcome the fear of commitment.
1.Individual Therapy
Having a therapy session with a physician with whom you can discuss your fears can help get to the cause of the problem as well as the steps you can take to deal with it.
2. Couples Therapy
This is one of the most effective ways to overcome the fear of commitment, as it gets you to do one of the things you are most afraid of, which is; sharing your vulnerabilities in front of your spouse. Also you will get to know the things that you do or are doing that your partner finds hurtful as they will be sharing their own part of the experience as well.
3. Share Your Problems
You need to understand the fact that not everyone is out to get you or hurt you, because this is one of the greatest fears that people with commitment issues have. Like the saying goes, ‘A problem shared is half solved’. Share your fears and worries with your loved ones; this way, they will know how to help and how not to get upset when you act out.
4. Practice Commitment
Yes, it is difficult but you should put yourself out there. Facing your fears is one of the best ways to get over them. Try to stay committed to a relationship for a change, show your vulnerabilities and Include your partner in your future plans.
So, are you afraid of commitment? If so, try to take a step to change your situation. There are a lot of advantages with sticking to a partner and allowing yourself to rest on another’s shoulder instead of being strong all the time. And also, forgive yourself and give yourself the time to heal.
Did you learn a thing or two? Let us know in the comment section.
